Little House on the Prairie - Try This at Home

Image Credit: Garth Williams

 

 The classic book Little House on the Prairie depicts a period of Western expansion into a wild frontier in the recent past, which was rapidly disappearing during the time the book was published. It shows the fortitude, strength, and frequently luck required to survive in the harsh frontier. In the book, Laura Ingalls Wilder describes situations similar to ones she experienced and observed, attempting to create a realistic portrait of what it was like to live in the mid 1800s. 

How would this writer hold up in similar circumstances? Let's compare. 

 Step 1: Leaving Wisconsin.

I actually completed this step! For pretty much the same reasons as Pa Ingalls - basically just a general restlessness and inability to sit still, likely masking some deeper psychological issues that neither of us wanted to explore at any length. Verdict: I'm on track with the Ingalls so far!  

Step 2: Build a log cabin.

My attempting this would have no chance of producing a cabin, but a solid chance of getting some practice with my suture kit.  I failed so badly at making even a model wooden home in 11th grade wood shop that the teacher displayed the finished product to the class, making fun of how poorly it was built.  Joke was on him, though, when I set the model home on fire on my way out of the classroom.  Although the Little House cabin nearly burned down before they were chased off the land by government officials, so would have just avoided a lot of unnecessary effort? Verdict: Let's call this one a draw, ultimately can't work out much worse than it did for the Ingalls family.

 Step 3: Pa Ingalls feeds the family by hunting. Family encounters packs of wolves.

Things would start to fall off the rails at this point. Unless they want to survive on lizards, the family would start getting mighty hungry.  Not sure if I would be eaten by wolves or my starving family first, but I'm going to be somebody's lunch at this point. Verdict: I'm dead. 

Step 4: Serious illness.

The whole family falls seriously ill, unable to care for themselves or their farm. I've got an advantage with this one. Even if I for some unknown reasonfollowed the intriguing medical advice of RFK Jr. (politician, lawyer, former heroin addict, current sex addict, zero medical training) and rejected vaccines, I already have a solid set from childhood so should have a big advantage here. Verdict: Looking good! Score one for modern medicine. Although I've already been eaten by wolves, so a bit late for a victory lap.  

With zero stores, few medical supplies, no food beyond what you can grow, surrounded by potentially hostile predators of the canine, feline, and human variety, I imagine I would have died at birth along with a large percentage of the population. Assuming this exercise involves me being dropped into a random series of events and not having to survive birth, I would undoubtedly be killed within hours at whatever point I happened to land.